Ares on Xena
Ares started out on an episode of Hercules called “Ares” as a boiling pool of black goo. But that didn't last long. They realized they needed a real God of War. And if you were casting for a god and Kevin Smith walked in, could there be any doubt he'd get the job? I don't mean just the fact that he’s big and handsome the way a Greek god ought to be. I mean the sense of authority and power. This was a guy you just didn't want to cause any trouble. Except if your name was Xena. I would guess she was trouble from the day they first met.
The Chakram Newsletter: Issue 18
SEASON ONE
“The Reckoning”
Xena hears the sounds of battle. She rides away from Gabrielle to investigate and finds herself in a fierce swordfight with a hooded stranger who has killed a group of unarmed villagers. To her amazement, this adversary is her equal as a swordsman. Not something she comes across very often. Suddenly, the stranger disappears! The rest of the townspeople show up and assume Xena is the killer. They capture her and put her on trial for murder.
“Look at you.” Xena, chained to the walls of the prison, hears these words. A figure materializes inside the cell and we are introduced to Ares, God of War. He greets her, “Behold, your former mentor and still greatest fan.” With a voice like silk and hands of mesmerizing tenderness, Ares attempts to lure Xena back to his side as his Warrior Queen. He preys on her memories of power and conquest. She's still so close to her days of violence and bloodlust, his words kindle those emotions she’s been trying so hard to subdue. And all the while, his voice is in her head, her heart. She lashes out at her jailers and at Gabrielle. Has Ares won?
But he forgot about Xena's mind, that clever intellect that never stops planning, scheming. Ares falls prey to Xena's manipulation of his own desires. She tricks him into bringing the dead villagers back and is herself set free. “Until next time, Xena, until next time,” the God of War intones as the episode ends.
“Ties That Bind”
Ares has tried offering money, power - what would it take to get Xena back to his side? How about Daddy?
First, a man appears claiming to be her father. Then, Ares sets the stage for Xena to believe her father has been killed by some townspeople. With all the conflict inside her about the father who left her as a young child, she becomes enraged at the thought that he’s been taken from her again. She attacks the town only to find she's been duped by the God of War again. But Ares loses once more when Xena allows her heart to rule her hatred and turns from him. This is a part of the new Xena Ares cannot understand. There's a spark of goodness inside her that keeps a tenuous hold on Xena's soul. For now, anyway, all Ares can focus on is his frustration at not being able to draw her back under his spell. It's so much fun being a god - why can’t Xena see this? Why won’t she join him? They could have so much fun together?
SEASON TWO
“Intimate Stranger”
Halfway through the second season, Lucy was injured while riding a horse for a comedy bit on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. The writing staff scrambled to come up with ways to cover Lucy's absence from the show for a few weeks. This episode had already been filmed, but the ending was changed to have Xena remain inside Callisto's body for the next episode.
Xena's dreams are haunted by the fact that she allowed Callisto to be sucked down into quicksand in “The Return Of Callisto.” Meanwhile, Ares has decided that Callisto will make a good Warrior Queen to rule beside him as Xena doesn't want the job. He makes it possible for Callisto, who’s been in Tartarus, to change places with Xena. Ares' plan is for Callisto to destroy Xena's reputation while inside her body. Then the two of them can go on their merry way together ruling the world. Xena uses Callisto’s own guilt to return her to Tartarus and foils Ares' plan once again. However, Xena remains in Callisto's body. Much to Gabrielle’s chagrin.
“Ten Little Warlords”
Ares loses his sword, his godhood, and the world runs amuck without the God of War to channel their violence. We're introduced to the deliciously evil laugh of Kevin Smith. Kevin must have had a ball with this change in Ares. Without his powers he could get hurt, get drunk, fall on his ass and burp. He was a delight. The bad guys get knocked off, one by one. Ares gets his sword and Xena gets her body back.
“The Xena Scrolls”
Lucy's back and the show jumps forward for an episode that takes place in 1940. Xena and Gabrielle have been reincarnated in the bodies of Melinda Pappas and Janice Covington. They’re archeologists on the hunt for the tomb containing the Xena Scrolls. What they unleash is the God of War. Xena trapped him in this tomb and he’s looking to be released. This takeoff on Indiana Jones was fun for all. Modern clothing and high heels for Lucy. A whip and a scowl for Renee. And Ares gets foiled again.
SEASON THREE
“The Furies”
Ares enlists the aid of the Furies to drive Xena mad hoping that in that state, she’d be more likely to join him. You gotta give him credit for persistence. The charming God of War gets the Furies to sentence Xena to persecution and madness for the crime of killing her father. Two punishments for the crime of one, but who can resist Ares’ soft eyes and gentle touches - not the Furies. They're putty in his hands. Xena’s nuts, but a shred of lingering sanity hatches a plan to confuse the Furies into believing Ares is her father. That makes Xena innocence. No body, no crime. And Ares, although he loses once again, can’t help but be proud of his former pupil and the way she outwitted him.
“The Dirty Half Dozen”
Ares entrusts the secret of the Metal of Hephaestus to Agathon - another candidate to replace Xena at Ares’ side. This surfer-talking dude pleases the God of War with his arrogance and, as it turns out, misplaced overconfidence. In a one-on-one battle between Xena and Agathon, Ares stands aside and waits for the victor to emerge.
“The Deliverer”
There was a bit of episode shuffling going on. “The Dirty Half Dozen” was supposed to air after this show. In “The Deliverer,” Ares talks about discovering the Metal of Hephaestus and giving it to a chosen few and he’d already done that in the previous episode. Ares and Discord discuss the cult of the One God that is sweeping the land and which they believe poses a threat to the pantheon of Greek gods. Ares tells her not to worry - he’s given one of his best men the job of destroying this god’s temple - Julius Caesar. As usual, Ares is using mortals to do his dirty work. But Caesar hasn’t destroyed the temple and Ares is getting a tad itchy. So he points Xena in the direction of the temple - and Caesar.
As much as Ares is protecting his own power, he knows something about this One God that Xena doesn’t. He tries to warn her, but when he asks Xena to trust him, she responds, “Based on what?” All his tricks over the years, all the times he’s manipulated her, make it impossible for Xena to believe he’s doing anything more than trying to safeguard his own interests. But this time - she should have listened.
“The Quill Is Mightier”
Ares has an army waiting to pounce on a nearby village for a bit of looting and pillaging. But Xena’s there and the soldiers won’t pounce until she’s gone. Xena fans scrawl pro-Xena graffiti in Aphrodite’s temple and Ares taunts her into concocting a plan to get rid of the Warrior Princess. Aphrodite enchants Gabrielle’s scroll so that everything she writes comes true. As Gabrielle begins to write her first piece of fiction, she sends Xena fishing and Ares and Aphrodite lose their powers.
This rollicking comedy had fish fights; three naked, dancing Gabrirlles; Minya with a whip; a French farce chase in a cave; and Ares and Gabrielle having a warm fuzzy moment. Okay, it was a very short warm fuzzy moment, but they did look kind of cute together.
Ares developed a fascinating set of sideburns starting with this episode. They wandered across his cheeks and met at his beard. Rumor has it, half the sideburns were home-grown and the other half were pasted on.
“The Bitter Suite”
The first Xena musical was centered on a series of lies Xena and Gabrielle told each other. Each one drove them farther and farther apart. They resulted in the death of Xena’s son and Gabrielle believing she’d poisoned her demon daughter, Hope, the spawn of Dahak. With Ares urging Xena on, the conflict came to a head.
And we got to hear Kevin’s beautiful voice during “Melt Into Me,” the sensuous tango he did with Xena.
“Forget Me Not”
There’s been a lot going on in Gabrielle's life and she heads for the Temple of Mnemosyne to try and come to terms with her betrayal of Xena in “The Debt.” The priestesses send her off on an internal journey to sort out her feelings. And who does she bump into but Ares. Now what could he have to do with her problems. What does he know that she refuses to remember? Is he Ares or that part of her that wants to hide the truth?
“Sacrifice 1 & 2”
There's a lot of switching sides in this two-parter. Ares and Callisto are figuring the angles and will jump onboard whichever ship they think will get them where they want to go. Callisto is a god. She was imprisoned in an alternate universe by Hercules, but has escaped. She's still seeking oblivion, so she aligns herself with Dahak and Hope. Ares is terrified of Dahak and, at first, decides to raise all his armies in a battle against him. But he realizes the Greek gods don't stand a chance against Dahak and decides, instead, to join him. Ares' job is to keep Xena from killing Hope. He calls in the debt Gabrielle owes him, for getting her to Chin ahead of Xena, by telling her if Xena kills Hope, the Fates will cut Xena’s lifeline and Xena will die. And Hope is now pregnant with Ares' child.
SEASON FOUR
“Deja Vu All Over Again”
We didn’t see Ares at all in Season Four until the final episode directed by Renee O’Connor. It was a clip show, it was a comedy, it was the birth of Annie “Banannie” Day and Mattie Morgan. One thing that happened to Ares during that year off, his hair got really, really long! This episode was about reincarnation. Let’s see, Xena was in Harry who was played by Ted who plays Joxer. Gabrielle was in Mattie who was played by Renee who plays Gabrielle. Joxer was in Annie who was played by Lucy who plays Xena. Ares was in Salmoneus played by Robert Trebor who morphed into Kevin Smith. Everyone got that?
There's a fight at the end between Harry and Ares. Can anyone imagine Ted wiping the floor with Kevin? That’s what having the spirit of the Warrior Princess inside you will do.
SEASON FIVE
“Chakram”
With short hair and trimmed sideburns, Ares entered the fifth season of Xena. This episode gave us some of the backstory of Xena’s chakram. It seems there are two of them - one light, one dark. Ares stole the dark one and gave it to Xena in her warlord days. Kel, the god he stole it from, wants it back. Xena and her friends are looking for the chakram of light - which can kill gods. There’s also a new One God in town - Eli’s God. And we all know how the Greek gods get the jitters at the thought of humans finding a new outlet for their devotion. Oh, and Xena’s lost her memory and her dark side. She hasn't a clue who she is or what she's capable of.
Candlelight, a hot tub and Ares' fingers massaging your neck? Without her past, Xena is vulnerable once more to Ares' charms and promises. Seduction interrupts as Gabrielle walks in.
The battle for the two chakrams is on. There's an interesting moment in the Temple of the Chakram when Ares comes face to face with Eli. Ares grabs Eli, then backs off looking confused. There’s a power here he’s never encountered before.
As Xena holds the chakram of light, Ares says all the right things trying to get her to hand it over. But Xena slams the two chakrams together and neutralizes its power to kill gods.
“Succession”
Interesting opening to this episode. A wriggling bedsheet and out pops Ares and a new woman. We know where his body's been, but he blows chakram smoke rings. If I were her, I'd think my man’s mind was elsewhere during the festivities. Mavican - looking to be Xena’s replacement in Ares' life. You'd think the God of War was holding job fairs on a regular basis the way these wannabes keep showing up.
Ares sets up a field test for Mavican to prove her worth in a battle against Xena and Gabrielle. Or so it seems. Perhaps Gabrielle is the one being tested. And if it’s the bard you’re trying to get on your side, you use calm, quiet logic trimmed with verbal ornaments of “peace in the land.” Ares’ last words to Gabrielle, “The offer’s still open. Think about it.”
“Seeds of Faith”
Lucy's pregnant, Xena’s pregnant. Everyone’s having babies. And Ares isn’t the least bit pleased. Especially when he wasn't invited to be the father.
Eli’s followers are making Ares nervous. He thinks they might herald the Twilight of the Gods. Ares confronts Eli. Gabrielle tries to defend her friend. But Eli asks her to stay her sword and trust him. Ares kills Eli. But in his moment of seeming victory, his eyes are filled with uncertainty. Has he really saved the Greek gods or sealed their fate? And what has this act done to Gabrielle?
Ares lets Gabrielle feel, for one moment, the power of being a god. And tells her, “That is how I feel every moment of every day. It is the power of the gods. And with it, you can change the world. Isn't that what you've always wanted?” Absolute power - the ultimate temptation. Can Gabrielle use Ares’ power for good? Or is this tool too powerful for a mortal to hold?
But Gabrielle's spirit proves to be too strong for Ares to capture. And Xena sets him free to live with his defeat. And the knowledge that the Twilight may very well be on its way.
“God Fearing Child”
Xena’s about to give birth. Hercules knows she is in danger from the Olympian gods and comes to help out. Zeus wants Ares to keep Hercules busy while he kills Xena and her child. Ares wants a trade - Zeus can do as he wishes with Xena if Ares can kill Hercules. For the son of Zeus, it was, “Dad always liked you best.” Ares attacks Hercules, but Hera, Herc’s mom, interferes and puts Ares out of commission temporarily.
With the thought that Xena’s child might make him mortal, Ares tries to get Xena to become his partner. If he’s going to be mortal, he could live out his life with her. She taunts him, daring him to say he loves her. He can’t - until she's walked away and can't hear him say the words that surprise him as much as they would her.
“Eternal Bonds”
Xena now has a daughter, Eve, and the baby has become a target for all the Greek gods. Ares sets his mind to convincing Xena they could become a team again - even if it means fighting for good. “A fights a fight,” he tells her. He invades her dreams, leaving Xena's body yearning for his touch. Or was it a dream?
Ares offers to protect her, Gabrielle and Eve if only Xena will give him a child. Surrounded by the armies of three gods, Xena refuses to give in to him. They come out of the battle alive, but Ares hasn’t given up as we see the following week when Xena returns to her hometown of Amphipolis.
“Amphipolis Under Siege”
Ares is back - his offer to Xena still on the table. And over the hill, on another table, Athena has laid out her battle plans to get the townspeople of Amphipolis to turn over Xena's child to her. She lays siege to the town.
For Xena, the stakes have become higher. It's not just her child at risk, but her mother, Gabrielle and the whole village. She goes to Ares and offers him everything - her child, her sword, her body, herself to stand beside him. Ares, understandably, is a little dubious - should we say justifiably suspicious - that after all the times Xena has turned him down, she would give in so easily. However, she is known for keeping her word.
So Ares hies himself off to Athena to try and call off the siege. No luck there. Back to the temple and, lo and behold, there are remnants of the outerwear of a Warrior Princess in a direct line to his couch. And, upon said couch, lies a very furry robe with a naked Xena underneath. Do his eyes deceive him!? Nope, there she is. Waiting, eager, ready for… BOOM! The side of the room explodes and standing in the opening made by the explosion is Xena’s mom. Two teenagers caught on the living room couch never looked so guilty.
Gabrielle’s attacking Athena’s army and Xena rushes to the rescue. Ares, sticking to his part of the bargain, fights alongside her. Together they defeat Athena. Ares comes to claim his prize only to find out Xena has tricked him. What they saved was Xena’s “dolly.” Ares accepts that he has been outwitted again, but this is not over.
“Looking Death In The Eye”
Babies grow very slowly in real life and the show wanted a grown up Eve, so they decided to find a way to jump 25 years into the future. The gods are on Xena’s trail. She stages the deaths of herself, Gabrielle and Eve hoping the gods will go away and they can go somewhere safe. But convincing Ares she's dead is part of Xena's plan and it has a consequence she doesn't anticipate. He takes Xena's and Gabrielle’s bodies to an ice cave near Mt. Etna and seals them up. In the cave, Ares speaks his heart to Xena. He realizes the unconditional and unselfish love that Gabrielle gave her was something he wasn't capable of. He tells her, “When you sacrificed yourself for others, you were hers. But when you kicked ass, you were mine.”
Xena had given the baby Eve to Octavius and he keeps the child and raises her himself.
“Livia”
It’s twenty-five years later and a Roman commander named Livia is ravaging Eli’s followers. She’s just been named the Emperor’s successor.
This commander has a mentor - Ares. Little does he know, he’s played this part before for another member of Livia's family - her mother, Xena. And Livia has given Ares something Xena never would, her love.
In a courtyard, Ares and Livia are battling together. It’s obvious she's come a long way in her lessons. Including the final tactic - when you’re being beaten, a passionate kiss will distract your teacher. And, at that moment, Xena enters the courtyard. Ares can’t believe what he’s seeing. So he goes for a kiss and gets clocked a good one for trying. Nothing's changed with Xena.
Poor Livia thinks Ares is a steadfast boyfriend. But she can’t compete with the hold Xena has on Ares' heart. Livia overhears Ares say to Xena, “If I thought for one moment, you being here meant we had a second chance, I'd drop her like a nasty habit.”
Ares figures out Livia is Eve. He tells Xena his offer still stands. If Xena will stay with him and bear his child, he’ll keep Eve’s identity secret.
“Eve”
When Xena turns down Ares’ offer, he decides to get back together with Livia. Unrequited love can send one in dangerous directions. Livia asks Ares if he’s afraid she’ll bring about his death and that of the other Olympian gods. He points out that nothing has happened for twenty-five years. “The only power you have over us is our own fear,” he tells her. With a gentle kiss and a feather touch on her check, Ares sets his own plan in motion - “Reclaim your destiny, Livia. Kill Xena.” He sets daughter against mother.
He taunts Xena, “How does it feel, Xena, knowing the person you love despises you?” He eggs on Livia, “Who are you going to listen to? The mother who abandoned you twenty-five years ago or the god who's going to make you an empress?” In the final battle between Xena and Livia, he watches to see who will emerge the victor. When Livia spares Xena's life, Ares sets off for Olympus to tell the other gods Eve is still alive.
“Motherhood”
The gods hatch a plan to get rid of Eve. Athena sets the Furies the task of convincing Gabrielle she must kill Eve to save Xena. Ares is doubtful. He's tried using the Furies against Xena before to no avail.
The other gods decide to try a frontal attack and discover, during the battle, Xena's been given the power to kill gods. Athena still thinks the Furies are the answer and Ares is sent to distract Xena while the Furies work on Gabrielle. His idea of a distraction, tell Xena, “I love you.” The confession does its task. As Xena stands in the rain, confused by this admission, Gabrielle, driven by the Furies, stabs Eve. But Xena arrives in time to keep Eve from being killed.
Plan Two for the gods - a full-scale attack. Another failure and more dead gods. Xena decides to take the battle to Mt. Olympus. Ares gives her the gods’ offer; they will make her a god, Gabrielle is negotiable, but Eve must die. Not the deal Xena was looking for. She immobilizes Ares with the chains of Hephaestus and sets off to try and bargain with Athena.
As Athena battles Xena, Ares saves the mortally wounded Gabrielle and Eve by giving up his immortality. Xena kills Athena and, as she dies, Athena asks Ares why he would give up his godhood. “I’ve got a thing for her,” Ares responds.
SEASON SIX
“Coming Home”
The Furies have decided to pit Ares and Xena against each other as punishment for the deaths of the other Greek gods and so they can take over.
Ares is mortal, but that’s a secret. Don’t tell his men. He’s leading an army against the Amazons. When they fail to destroy an Amazon village, he berates them. One soldier responds, “Why don’t you use your powers to blast them into oblivion?” Ares thinks for a minute, then, “Where’s the fun in that?” Quick thinker, that God of War. Hey, if you don’t have any powers, are you still a god? Kind of like that tree in the forest question. Turns out Ares is having a bit of a problem getting used to being a mortal. Killing a fly is not the simple thing it used to be.
The Furies know about Ares’ desire to become a god again and have him attack the Amazons in the belief they have a stash of Ambrosia - the substance that can turn a mortal into a god. The Furies come to Ares disguised as Xena, Gabrielle and Eve. They act as if they're on his side. He's a bit flustered and suspicious, but loving the attention.
With the invisible Furies whispering in his ear, Ares is one spooky God of War. And his men are beginning to wonder if they've hooked up with the right guy. Xena tries to tell him what’s going on, but he's going more and more insane.
The fight between Xena and Ares at the end was a tour de force for Kevin. One moment he was the vicious bully. Then the whining child, the betrayed god, the cocky kid taunting Xena. Back and forth, from one to the other. Finally, he knocks Xena into the pool of water and she is trapped under the ice. With Xena’s death, the Furies leave Ares’ mind and he realizes what he’s done. He dives in and pulls her out. Gabrielle, who’s been in on this plan of Xena’s, applies a bit of CPR and Ares' deed is undone.
At the end of the episode, Xena and Ares talk. He's still hooked on her and she knows she can never give in to her feelings for him.
Ares: “Xena, is there even a chance we could be together one day? I don’t know, maybe one in a thousand?”
Xena: “More like one in a billion.”
Ares: “So you’re saying there is a chance?”
Xena, smiling, shakes her head ruefully. Ares looks longingly as she walks away.
“Old Ares Had A Farm”
This was the best Ares episode ever. What a delight watching Kevin have such a good time. The God of War as a farmer. The perfect fish out of water. And Lordy, was he good to look at! Farmers just always seem to take their shirts off. Check out the sound effect when Ares flexes his pecs. For art lovers, we have Ares and Gabrielle as “American Gothic.”
The word is out that Ares has lost his powers and Xena and Gabrielle hide him on a farm for safety. They take him to Xena’s childhood home. On the downside, the furniture's falling apart, the roof leaks, there are holes in the walls where the wind comes through. On the upside, there are chickens to slaughter. Gotta find those bright spots wherever you can. Ares going after a flock of chickens is a sight unto itself.
Speaking of bright spots. How about when the only dry room in the house has a bed big enough for three. Well, they are all grownups, aren't they. But Ares takes a side trip to Tartarus when Gabrielle tosses and turns at night.
Farm life isn’t all bad. There's Horace. A god’s best friend who stands up for Ares when everyone else lets him down. Greba, the girl next door who thinks Xena and Gabrielle are Ares' daughters because of that touch of gray in his hair. Gray hair!!
Xena and Gabrielle send the warlords off on a wild beast hunt and Ares settles in on the farm for a while.
“The God You Know”
Caligula is after the followers of Eli and has captured Eve. Ares tells Xena that Aphrodite and Caligula’s lives are bound together. If Xena kills Caligula, Aphrodite will die. They manage to free her, but she's left a mortal, the same as Ares. Watch the cute interplay between Kevin and Alexandra Tydings as they walk behind Xena, Gabrielle and Eve at the end of the episode.
“You Are There”
A modern-day reporter goes back in time to find out the true story about Xena and her relationships. He visits Ares, still living on the farm. When the reporter spots Xena in the farmhouse, he tries to get up close and personal and gets tossed out on his ear by Ares. Xena, meanwhile, is trying to get the Golden Apples to give Ares and Aphrodite back their powers. Once again a god, Ares asks Xena to join him, but she still refuses. He'll keep trying and she'll keep saying no.
“Path of Vengeance”
Ares is trying to rebuild his following so he decides to start a war between the Amazons and the Romans. Both worshipping Ares and asking for success in battle. “I am the God of War and that’s what I do.” He's counseling Varia, of the Amazons, and has them capture Eve, who’s under the protection of the Roman Emperor. When Xena foils his plans, he can only chortle with glee. I know he'd rather win one of these contests between them, but he can't help but be delighted with how she outwits him. She was such a good student.
“Soul Posession”
It’s 2002 and a new scroll of the life of Xena has been discovered revealing that Xena was married to Ares. It tells the tale of how Ares saved Gabrielle when she fell into the lava pit with Hope.
Xena is hunting for Gabrielle and Ares offers his help. While he’s at it, he gets down on one knee and proposes! Gets kicked in the jaw for such effrontery. And, as a wedding gift, he offers Xena… Gabrielle. Joxer can't believe she’s seriously considering marrying Ares. But Xena will do whatever it takes to get Gabrielle back. And if they're married in front of the Fates, as Ares promises, he can't harm Xena or anyone else she cares about. Xena accepts Ares' proposal.
Xena wishes the wedding to take place at the lava pit. Ares agrees. At the altar, Xena bails at the last minute and jumps into the pit. It was her way of discovering how Ares saved both Hope and Gabrielle.
But he tells Xena another piece of the puzzle. In exchange for saving Hope, Gabrielle gave Ares her soul. Ares offers a trade, Gabrielle's soul for Xena's. He wants her to promise to be his wife in her next life. Xena seals the deal. But she steals the contract from him as they're kissing good-bye and hides it in a cave in the Ionian Sea. If Ares doesn't have the contract, he can't claim Xena as his bride in an afterlife.
Also attending the unrolling of this new scroll are Annie, Mattie and Harry from “Déjà Vu All Over Again.” They're afraid Ares may show up to claim Xena as his bride. Sure enough, the God of War rides in on a motorcycle. He matches his thumbprint to the one on the contract, switches the spirits so that Xena is inside Annie and not Harry and tries to claim his bride. But Xena has one last trick to pull on the God of War. She puts the contract up in front of one of his lightning bolts and it is destroyed. The Warrior Princess wins again.