All The World’s A Stage: Little Problems
Behind the scenes on the shooting of the season five episode Little Problems, by Kate Barker.
Official Xena Magazine: Issue 06
A glittering mirrorball reflects the light fantastic. From the balcony, the beautiful people cheer. Below, in the main club, the crowd is swaying and raucous. The referee stands in the centre of the ring and bellows out the words, “Are you ready to rumble…?”
Wait - is this Xena: Warrior Princess or some strange version of Wrestlemania?
Actually, it’s both. In Little Problems, Xena’s spirit becomes trapped in the body of a little girl. The remedy for this requires Gabrielle and Aphrodite to locate some magical oil to cure the affliction. For some reason, they do this by infiltrating a place called the Gemini Club, and getting into a wrestling match disguised as Siamese twins… It’ll all make sense in the end.
Viewing the completed scene must be amazing, because watching the rehearsals is simply hilarious. Renee O’Connor and Alexandra Tydings (playing Gabrielle and Aphrodite, playing twins “Brun” and “Hilda” respectively) look like they’re having a ball. They are wearing gold boots, blonde pigtails and white sheets that force them to simulate being joined at the hip. In this get-up, it’s no wonder they are both in hysterics as stunt co-ordinator Peter Bell takes them through the blocking for the fight.
The amusement may also have something to do with their opponents - two long-haired gentlemen with goatee beards, also joined at the hip but in their case by a double pair of scarlet vinyl trousers.
Director Allison Liddi is watching the run-throughs on monitors a few feet away. “I need that shot to be tighter,” she informs the camera crew at one point, “because that helmet’s going to fly off.”
In the ring, the male adversaries look bemused. “They’ve wearing helmets?!” Indeed they are, and horned Viking helmets at that.
Taking careful note of the camera angles is Allen Guilford, one of New Zealand’s top feature film Directors of Photography. One of Guilford’s latest claims to fame is What Becomes of the Broken-Hearted, the sequel to the acclaimed New Zealand feature Once Were Warriors. Guilford has gone from feature film to ancient Greek wrestling. Well, that’s showbiz…
During the lengthy set up for this shot, Liddi discusses the practicalities of later filming for the episode. There’s a swordfighting scene in a castle, which Bell must point out is rather impractical. “When they’re fighting down those stairs with swords,” he says, “you won’t be able to get a camera in.” So it’s back to the drawing board for that one, as the wrestling scene continues.
This is a small set, but filmed from the right angles, it looks huge. Somewhere between a mediaeval casino, wrestling stadium and night club, it’s a wonderful example of truly creative design. The walls look like solid brick and stone, yet most of them are nothing but painted polystyrene.
There are twins everywhere here, the ancient Grecian equivalent of cool people, and referred to at one point as “beach bunnies.” They make up the extras for the club shots, having been chosen from auditions calling specifically for twins.
Of course, the number of twins available for such a shoot can’t be that big. As the camera crew shoots from different angles, the shots make the crowd seem much bigger than the number of extras suggests.
Liddi directs the spectators to cheer like crazy during the fight. “Remember, folks, this is party central.” The cameras may be able to fool us, but there is only so much noise a small crowd can make. When rain thunders down on the roof from outside, Liddi queries, “Can we play that rain back to be the crowd?”
This is one of those scenes that seems to take forever to set up - at least two hours just for the first take - but the actors ain’t felt nothin’ yet. After all, there is still the authenticity of a sweaty arena to consider. “There’s a bit more to go,” a crewmember comments, “they have to get oiled up yet!”
No sooner said than done. Having gone through the wrestling moves to Bell’s satisfaction, O’Connor, Tydings and their opponents are covered in clear oil for that authentic ‘greased-up’ look. The oil is sprayed, smeared and painted over the actors’ bodies - even poured over their heads - as the crew try desperately not to spill it over the already-applied make-up.
Producer Eric Guendemann wanders casually onto the set, commenting on the scene. He enthusiastically approves of the oiled look, wanting it, “the goofier, the better.”
Smudging the make-up isn’t the only problem posed by the oceans of oil. Liddi is told that the life expectancy of the costumes may also be in mortal danger. “You’re going to have a drama getting the dye out of that white silk.”
Ever practical and conscious of time, Liddi replies, “We’ll just have a messy show!”
“I’m good with their level of oil,” she announces finally. “They look good!”
A few takes later - with make-up, moves and oil being touched up each time - it’s finally starting to come together. This is more than can be said for one of the male Siamese twins, who appears to have cast amounts of oil leaking out of his trousers. “He’s sodden!” a passing crewmember remarks. Ah, the joys of being a star
There are a lot of ways to sum up a scene like this, most of them acknowledging the quirkiness and obvious entertainment value of this kind of Xena episode. The most appropriate take on Little Problems, however, would have to be a comment heard straight from the set, in the midst of this raucous jocularity:
“More oil… more bunnies!”
As far as this scene - and this episode - goes, there’s really nothing else to say…